"Noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it." - DR. LAURENCE JOHNSTON PETER, AUTHOR OF THE PETER PRINCIPLE
In this week’s edition of The Heavy Table’s Churn newsletter, we go dog wild and stalk the street in search of tubular prey. It’s a hell of a journey, and it’s led by a real showman. Buckle up!
SOME BRIEF, SWEET THOUGHTS ABOUT KETCHUP
I am a tolerant man. Moreover: The older I get, the more evil I have seen, and the more I am able to shrug away life’s countless minor annoyances and tresspasses. It takes a lot to shock or irritate me, and my hide is thick.
However. HOWEVER. There is a thought abroad in the land that the most interesting, provocative, counterfactually clever, and serious food opinion you can have is to sneer at people who put ketchup on hot dogs. Read Twitter enough (and I sure do) and you’ll see it crawl through your feed at least once or twice a month. Chicago certainly collectively feels that way, which might be the reason even former president Barack Obama felt like he had to get on the record with Anthony Bourdain about it.
But no. No, no, no, A THOUSAND TIMES NO. It’s not simply that tastes legitimately differ (they sure do, and that’s fine.) It’s that if you’re grilling a hot dog, there is nothing that sets off the cushiony carbs of the bun, the light char on the meat, and the sausagey umami like a bright, sweet, tangy hit of Heinz. It’s not just a massively popular choice (evidence: a good 95% of American spots selling hot dogs also offer ketchup), it’s an incredibly defensible one. It makes total sense, flavorwise. You don’t have to love it, but there is no culinary ground to stand upon if you want to knock it.
I love a good Chicago dog, and obviously I’d never spray ketchup on one of those - it doesn’t need it. You’ve got the vinegar kick from the hot peppers, and a sweetness too from the relish. Ketchup would be redundant and clutter up an already perfect preparation. Otherwise: Ketchup away, people. It’s a real horse-and-carriage pairing of street food and condiment.
Now, is it hypocritical of me to declare that people who put ketchup on bratwurst are complete dunderheads with no sense of class or culture? I don’t think so. That’s a completely different thing. – James Norton
HEAVY TABLE’S HOT FIVE
#5 Garlic Cheese Bread at Saint Paul Brewing | Saint Paul
Garlic cheese bread satisfies even when it's meh, as evidenced by the ever-popular "Italian dunkers" served in my high school's cafeteria. But why settle for the mediocre when you can attain the sublime at Saint Paul Brewing? The wood-fired pizza crust base has the right balance of crispness and chewiness and a lovely char. It's topped with three cheeses: mozzarella for a gorgeous cheese pull, smoked cheddar for some depth, and a touch of goat cheese for a welcome flourish of freshness. The drizzle of roasted garlic herb oil lends an assertive punch of flavor, and the side of red sauce is delightfully tomato and herb-forward. – Stacy Brooks
#4 Fish and Chips at the Dive at Coastal Seafoods | St. Paul
It often seems like simple menu items are so poorly done when they shouldn't be difficult to master. Case in point: why are there so many dismal renditions of fish and chips out there? Fortunately, the folks at The Dive (in the St. Paul Coastal Seafoods location) give this humble dish attention and care. The fish batter is crispy and not caked on, the abundant fish perfectly cooked without being dry, and the fries given a proper amount of time in the fryer before being coated with Old Bay. Even the accompanying coleslaw and tartar sauce hit high notes. More, please. – Amy Rea
#3 Pani Puri at Curry Corner | Minneapolis
I've been to Curry Corner at least 10 times at this point; this easygoing, reliably on-point Indian spot is convenient and always a hit with both out-of-town guests and picky 12-and-under children. But they've added a new thing to the menu, and I'm here for it: pani puri, which are delicate little crunchy puffballs filled with finely diced and nicely spiced potatoes, onions, and peas, accompanied by a tiny carafe of sauce that you can use to kick up the flavor still further. – James Norton
#2 Shrimp Tempura Udon Noodle Bowl at Okome House | Minneapolis
Japanese cooking is a specialist’s game. After a couple of decades at Origami and Kyatchi, Okome House’s chef/owner Hide Tozawa has developed a laser focus on quality ingredients and the masterful ability to use them. The dishes he calls “Japanese comfort food” at his Longfellow neighborhood spot are deeply satisfying and delicate. Beautifully balanced, flavorsome vegetarian broth is the key component of his udon noodle bowls. Thick round noodles have the right amount of give and bounce, and perfectly crisp shrimp (a trio served hot on the side) are sweet, tender, and delectable. Even the fishcake is lovely: two half-moons of fish paste, rosy like a slice of fresh radish. For $16, it’s a splendid way to ward off an early fall chill. There’s also an excellent selection of Japanese sakes by the glass, and the largest variety of onigiri in the Twin Cities. – Jeanne Lakso
#1 Mango Coconut Supreme at Mi-Sant | Roseville, Minn.
The plain croissants at Mi-Sant are pretty good; above average around here, falling short of Paris or Montreal. But Mi-Sant’s filled croissants are flaky works of art. Their coconut croissant is easily the best filled croissant in Minnesota. Or it was, at least: Their Mango Coconut Supreme has supplanted it. This redonkulous bruiser of a pastry is a massive pillar filled with mango-coconut cream and dipped in mango icing. You can smell the natural fruit wafting off of this thing even before it gets near your face, and when you finally take a bite, it’s all kinds of gorgeously crispy meets sweet meets tropical meets buttery. It’s a steal at $8, and you really - for your health’s sake - should split it with a friend. Or two. – James Norton
THE GREAT MINNESOTA HOT DOGATHON
Part one of an ongoing obsessive crawl through Minneapolis-St. Paul temples of the dog.
By Eli Radtke
Hot dogs. America's oblong obsession. The supervillian of the health blogs and the superhero of the cookout and dugout. I’m not here to save the soul of this delicacy of democracy, or to further drag these links through the mud. I’m here because of my good friend Lara Griffin, and by extension, the book Raw Dog by Jamie Loftus.
The book itself details the history of the hot dog, and a comical and thoughtful journey across the United States, eating famous and infamous hot dogs along the way. (Fantastic read, couldn’t recommend enough.) Lara organized myself and a group of friends who had read or perused the book to sample what the Twin Cities had to offer in the way of hot dogs.
So, with a crowd of the wurst people we could find, we have started seeing what the greater Twin Cities has in the way of meat in a tube. This is an ongoing odyssey, and so if a favorite place doesn’t appear on our list, please reach out!
One of the bigger questions that I hope to tackle with this series is discovering what “Minnesota style” hot dogs are, or should be. Chicago has one, Seattle has one, even Santa Fe has one! We are a thriving multicultural and business hub, and I think it’s about time we stepped out of the limelight and to the griddle to make ourselves known in the hot dog world.
So what makes a good hot dog? There are as many opinions on that as there are seeds on a sesame bun, but for our purposes, we will be using a 10-point system. In this rating, we will be considering not only the quality of the dog itself, but the atmosphere, cost, and overall presentation of the establishment. So without any further adornment, additions or relish, let’s eat some meat.
Lara gathered the troops and provided me with a full-body hot dog costume to wear early this year as we planned our first leg of this city-wide dogathon. With sleet on the ground and sodium in our hearts, we approached stop #1: Uncle Franky’s.
DOG 1: Uncle Franky’s
728 Broadway Street NE, Minneapolis
This small establishment with the cartoonish mascot is a favorite haunt of those in the know in Northeast. The open-style diner kitchen allows you to watch your dog getting prepared while you sit, pondering the extensive menu of different delicacies from the limited seating inside. Uncle Franky’s provides the same energy and hot dog style of an establishment you might find tucked underneath the tracks of the L in Chicago. No-nonsense, just dogs.
While Uncle Franky’s provides and incredible selection of different dog delights, I decided on the Chicago Dog ($5.50), which they declare is “kind of our thing” on their website. If you are looking for a classic dog, this is your spot. No improvising, just the classic Chicago dog, yellow mustard, a pickle spear, chopped onion, BRIGHT green relish, tomatoes, celery salt and sport peppers.
Uncle Franky’s does not mess around with half-measures on their meat. The dog itself had an incredible snap to the casing (desirable in the hot dog community if you aren’t a psychopath) and a really incredible smokiness within the meat itself. This was complemented by a poppy-seeded bun that was soft enough to enjoy without making my jaw sore, but firm enough to withstand the wet ingredients and keep the dog together.
I am a sucker for Chicago-style dogs, as the sport peppers, onions, and tomatoes provide acidity and freshness to a notorious gut-bomb of a meal. The sweetness and freshness of the vegetables and relish provide an excellent bite with the tang of the mustard and onions. Plus, at $5.50, this dog (and every dog) on the menu is a dog in the true spirit of the meal: delicious, filling, and cheap. Overall, I would give Uncle Franky’s a 8/10.
One dog in, feeling invincible, we divided into our two cars and moved on to dog #2.
Dog 2: Kramarczuk’s
215 East Hennepin Avenue, Minneapolis
Another Northeast staple, this deli has been slinging Eastern European foods for over 60 years, and with a James Beard Classics award, they know their stuff. The smoky, savory smell alone tells you that some good food is about to be had. This cafeteria-style deli features you grabbing a tray, grabbing what you want, and moving your butt down the line. We ordered the Hot Dog, Cossack-style with sauerkraut and sauteed onions from the menu ($6.94). This dog is split open lengthwise, thrown on a bun, topped with several slices of Swiss cheese, then ratcheted up in a broiler-style oven to melt and crisp.
The process alone had my mouth watering. When this dog hit the plate, it looked like there was an entire onion’s worth of sauerkraut and sauteed onions. Mounds of them, falling off the dog and onto the plate. Bang for your onion buck, I guess!
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